Kitty wants to talk!


she picked this out to say how she's feeling


(Hi, I am typing this for her because she needs the writing help! -J$)

I think my mummy does not love me anymore. I don’t know why but I want to make it better so if anyone can tell me how to make her happy I would want that alot. It hurts inside me where my heart is so I think I might be dying maybe from a heart attack because it hurts alot and I’m worried. I don’t want to be with other kids I just want to play by myself and forget that nobody loves me. I like the sound rocks make and how they are strong and pretty and don’t break, but mummy thinks they are dirty and bad and so I have to sneak them in my pockets to keep them in a box in my room where she can’t find them. Maybe that is why she doesnt love me anymore.

I don’t feel very well in my head like there is things that make me feel like I can’t talk to people and I had a nightmare and my mummy was in the bath and all needles were in her and i was so scared because i didn’t know who would do that or how and if she was dead. the dragon will always come back for me if I am not careful and he waits in my window when it gets dark all the time.

My dad got mad at me the other night because he was at the school for when all the grown ups go meet the teachers and my teacher Ms. Thomas showed them my day book where we write about the weekend and all my weekends said mum and dad was at the pub and he was upset because he said it made teacher think mum was always drinking. I was just telling the truth so I felt stupid I did not know that was bad to say.

Maybe that is why she doesnot love me, because I am bad like that.

My nana is always nice but she always asks about mum like she doesnt believe me. I like how dad talks to me better because it feels not like he is saying things with his eyes as well as his words like nana does.

no one is want be my frend becas of my mum is america. or also i am quite all the time. one peopl sead i dont smile alot.

why duz my mum not hug me kiss  me like normal mums? i am bad i want my mum to love me plees tel her i am good so she wil not be mad at me.





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3 thoughts on “Kitty wants to talk!

  1. Sam Ruck says:

    Hey Kitty,

    I’m so sorry about your mommy. When Amy (my wife’s 7-year old) first came out, she was very sad about her mommy, too, and wondered why her mommy didn’t love her. But slowly me, my son, and Amy’s therapist helped her see that she was a very lovable little girl and it wasn’t that Amy was bad but just that Amy’s mommy had lots of hurts in her heart that made her act mean like she did. I wish all mommy and daddy’s were nice and kind, that would be best for their little children. But unfortunately many just aren’t, and it’s not their children’s fault. But I know that’s hard for a little girl to understand because you try so hard to be good and she’s still not happy, huh?

    Does Nutella love you, Kitty? She sounds like a nice lady. Amy finally came to understand that since I loved her and my son loved her, she wasn’t a bad girl. And that helped some.

    You sound like a very nice little girl, Kitty. I hope some day your mommy can see that too!


  2. Sam Ruck says:

    Hats and J$,

    hey when my wife first started trying to get healed, she had to draw some VERY definite boundaries for my mother-in-law who had been emotionally abusive my wife’s entire life including the 20 years we were married. But once Karen did that, amazing her mom started treating her much better.

    Karen was very careful not to be rude or abrasive, but when her mom began ranting or attacking her, Karen would just say, “Mom, I can see this isn’t a good time for us to be around each other (or ‘be talking on the phone’). Maybe we can try again when everyone is calm again.” It took Karen doing this over and over until her mother finally learned that to be in Karen’s presence meant that she (her mother) HAD to be nice and kind. Now, about 3 years later, her mother is actually kind most of the time. She and my father-in-law still aren’t involved in the healing process like I desperately wish, but at least they are no longer being destructive and tearing Amy down everytime they have contact.

    Just a thought of what worked for us.


    • Hi Sam,
      your advice is almost *identical* to the advice my therapist gave me. So that speaks highly of you!

      I will be sure to employ that tactic if and when I speak to her again. As it stands, I think I should avoid all contact for a while longer. Clearly I am not emotionally well enough to be around her yet.

      Thanks for thinking of us,


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