when we started out, i was unaware we were a system. i was going on my merry (more like disordered, confused) way thinking i was one person part of a one-person body. when i started to notice things were too odd to be ignored, i began to get visions of our inside world, and hear people, or at least see their influence in the outer world. the inner world back then was a labyrinth, with perpetually dark skies, crumbling stone. set up something like a cell block, we were all kept apart, unable to communicate. talos was our gatekeeper, he would determine who was most appropriate for any given situation and they would front. when they weren’t fronting they would be back in their prison cell, alone.
from what i can figure, sarah (3), arguably our youngest, created the labyrinth. she must have seen at some point a place like ours on tv or in a book, and created a copy for her to live in. because she was not treated with love, either inside or outside, she imagined the world to be a dark, scary place where she would be alone. she must have made talos to build the walls. that is his function, he has no emotional investment in what he does, he simply has a job to do. he moves the stones, builds walls, and controls the gate.
i also think that, because we are usually made in pairs, sarah was brought into our inner world alongside a dark force that would be her fears manifested. a terrorizing force that would go on to frighten and control all of us, always. boss.
we knew boss existed. had a vague idea of what she looked like (an enormous dark cloud that could cover an entire city) and a sense that she wanted us all to suffer. she resides in a totally different level of our world, we have never seen her come to our plane. at least we hadn’t until a few days ago.
things have been really shaken up down here (i say down because our world is split into several worlds, and ours is a lower one). the specifics are no longer relevant but our mother has become aware that we are convinced she molested us as children. needless to say, this was never our intention. we never would have brought it up with her, we just wanted to address and heal it on our own. she never needed to be involved, in some way, at this point, it has nothing to do with her. it’s ours to bear, and she has no say in any of it, no need to be involved. but it has been revealed and a kind of hell has broken out within our external family that has stirred up the inner world.
sarah of course, is directly affected. though we tried to shield her from all that was happening, because she is the “core” she has awareness of things we will never truly grasp the depth of. though she cannot intellectually understand nuances and specifics, she has felt that her secret is no longer safe. she believes she is a very bad girl, and has been saying for a week that she needs to go back to where she came from and live in the portals, and build walls with talos.
we tried to stop her. daemon especially tried to reason with her that she was a good girl, that she never needed to go back there, that she has another family now that loves her on the inside. in the end though it was all for naught.
sarah didn’t return on her own, she was taken. boss came down and snatched her in her sleep, and put her back in the labyrinth.
and the rest of us have been transported back there as well. jaime was the only one who truly saw and felt boss when she descended, but he was terrified. apparently she is an immense force of hatred. daemon got a sense of her, from the outside, as she was in control of the body. he says if hell had a form, it would be her.
there is one small but important difference this time around in the labyrinth. just as before, we cannot contact each other. but we know about each other, which is hugely different. i am not confused about what i am, or what’s wrong with me. i am part of a system, i know the names and the personalities of the others. i have affection for them. we are all stuck here again in this dark, horrible place but we know we’re not alone and there has to be a way out. there has to be. i know i’m working on figuring it out, and so are jaime and hikari who have written about it. we are having to communicate through written word for the time being.
one thing that is good is that we are not losing time. not sure why this is but it’s a blessing. we can know what’s happening when others front, we just can’t communicate at all.
hikari’s children are safe, they’re with daemon. hazel is safe, she’s somewhere else. the introjects seem not to have been brought to the labyrinth. shae isn’t here, she’s still out in the free world.
i don’t know how to get us out. and even if i do find a way, i don’t know how to get sarah out if boss insists on her being here. daemon is heartbroken over losing sarah (and of course hikari). sarah has a little cat named lucy who lives with daemon and hikari’s family, because sarah had essentially been adopted by them. daemon feels as though his daughter has been taken. lucy wanders around looking for her. the babies are asking for mama. to be perfectly honest, daemon is a wreck. his family has been torn apart. and there’s no telling when things will change. luckily he can still communicate with hikari when we are physically together. talos allows that. talos has no grudges or will of his own, if hikari is the most appropriate to be out, such as with daemon around, then that is what happens. but sarah can’t front. we don’t know where she is.
sarah has a little stuffed animal called panda because, well, he is a panda. she used to sleep cuddling him every night. now we look at panda and feel such sorrow. sarah is gone.
we don’t know what to do but we haven’t given up. there has to be a way out of this situation. we got out once, we can do it again.